worthless...

i don't want to stop eating because i think i'm fat...i want to stop eating because apparently me eating is an issue in my home. this makes me feel....worthless. i thought about killing myself, for the first time in months, today. i think about killing myself, but i don't have the courage to do it. i want to see the world, and find happiness. but i can tell that's not going to happen for a long long time. i'm a loner. its how i find peace. being alone. when i'm locked up in my room people cant judge me, yell at me, or make me want to freaking kill myself. when i'm alone i'm truly happy. i can be myself when i'm alone. i can act out a part in my book and cry along with the characters in my room. i can watch non stop YouTube videos in my room. i can write in my room. I CAN FIND PEACE ALONE IN MY ROOM. the lock on my door gives me a sense of security. i can lock that door and sing half naked in my room if i wanted to. when i lock my door i unlock my own magical wonderland of safety. if you were like me, wouldn't you feel safe...?